Mom: What are you doing?
Me: I'm trying to wrap up my ankle. It's really starting to hurt. I can't believe those cute shoes would twist like that and toss me so viciously to the floor. They should come with warnings.
Mom: Yes, they should. Warnings like, "Don't buy me if you walk around reading a book and not looking where you're going." Seriously, what are you doing to that ankle wrap?
Me: I don't know! It doesn't work! Look at this. It has these little loops but nothing to attach them to, and it's too short to wrap around enough to just tuck it under. Where did you get these things?
Mom (leans forward to peer at my pile of ankle wraps): Linens N Things.
Me: They sell first aid products at Linens N Things?
Mom: No, they sell tiebacks that go with my bedroom drapes.
Me: Oh.
Mom: Idiot. Where is the brandy?
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