Thursday, July 18, 2013

Real Conversations with Mom: The Power Outage

Mom:  What are you doing?

Me:  Looking for the emergency lantern.

Mom:  I think it's in the bedroom.

Me:  It's not.

Mom:  Yes, it is.

Me:  It's not. I know it's not.  It's green.

Mom:  What difference does that make?

Me:  If there were a green lantern in my bedroom, trust me, I'd know.


Mom:  What are you doing?

Me: Trying to get to sleep.

Mom: No, you are not.  You are playing a game.  Talk to me.

Me:  It's 2:00am.

Mom:  That's no excuse!  Talk to me, or I will kick ass!

Me:  Sometimes I wish I did have a Green Lantern in my bedroom.

Mom:  Sometimes I wish you were a normal child!


Mom:  What are you doing now?

Me: Reading a book.

Mom:  Why are you reading on that computer?

Me:  Because my eyes do not glow with a soft luminous radiance like Stella's.

Mom:  Who is Stella?

Me: I'm pretty sure she was a relative of Darkseid.  The beamy black eyes are a dead giveaway.  No idea how Sidney got involved.

Mom:  You can stop talking to me now.


Mom:  Are you awake over there?

Me:  I am now.

Mom:  Let's go honky-tonkin'.

Me:  It is 2:40am.  Nothing is open at this hour.  And I need to get some sleep.

Mom:  You are so boring.  Hey, let's go [inappropriate content deleted]!

Me: It is 2:43am, and I spent the emergency fund on the kitchen floor, so I don't have any bail money.  Go to sleep, dammit.


Mom:  Hey, did you vacuum up that mess?

Me:  No.

Mom:  Why not?!

Me:  The power is out.

Mom:  Oh. Right.  That's a pretty good reason.


Mom: Are you still awake?

Me:  No.

Mom:  I'm thinking it would be cooler on the front porch, but I don't want to get dressed.  Can I go sit out there like this?

Me:  Are you naked?

Mom:  Maybe. 

Me:  Please put on shoes first.