Mom: So did you talk to my Deno today?
Me: I did see him this morning, yes.
Mom: And what is he doing this weekend? Does he have big plans?
Me: I didn't ask.
Mom: Well, tell him no tennis. It is too cold out. He will freeze his balls off.
Me: Mom, do you seriously want me to warn my chair not to freeze his balls off?
Mom: No, no, that would be bad. Tell him not to freeze his buns off.
Me: Right. I will definitely do that.
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Mom: Did you see my Kimmy today?
Me: Yes, she was moving very fast, but I managed a rapid exchange of greetings.
Mom: She is a speedy one. Did you give her a clementine?
Me: No. Was I supposed to?
Mom: Of course, you were! Do you think I would give you all those clementines for yourself? What is wrong with you?
Me: I don't know what I was thinking. And they were good clementines, too.
Mom: You are a greedy fruit eater, a greedy, greedy fruit eater. No more clementines for you!
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Mom: Did you talk to my George today?
Me: I did. He was a little grumpy.
Mom: Why?
Me: Because the Provost went out of his way to say nice things about him during the faculty meeting.
Mom: I bet he's shy and that provost embarrassed him.
Me: So he said.
Mom: Well, I understand how he feels. My poor George.
Me: You know, I'd feel really good if the provost said nice things about me in a faculty meeting.
Mom: That will not happen; they know you too well. They know you will get a big head. Besides, you're never embarrassed. Do you remember the big giant tin foil hat? Do you remember that?
Me: I was in junior high, Mom.
Mom: Your poor sister. I'll bet she has nightmares.
Me: I looked cool.
Mom: You did not look cool! You wore a giant tin foil ball on the top of your head!
Me: It was hat day. And it got my picture in the yearbook.
Mom: Right there! That is it! You do not understand that that is what makes it worse.
Me: I don't understand.
Mom: You know, if he weren't a Braves fan, I would go live with that George.
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