Mom: The mail came early today.
Me: Was there anything important in it.
Mom: There was a package yesterday.
Me: Was there anything important in the mail today?
Mom: I do not know that.
Me: Did you check the mail?
Mom: I brought in the package.
Me: There was a package today?
Mom: There was a package yesterday. It had that computer thingy in it.
Me: But the mail has already come today.
Mom: It came early.
Me: What was in it?
Mom: How would I know?
Me: Okay, I am very confused. You say that the mail came early today.
Mom: Yes.
Me: Did you check the mail?
Mom: I brought in the package.
Me: The package from yesterday or today?
Mom: Yesterday.
Me: But I am asking about the mail today.
Mom: It came early.
Me: Are you doing this to me on purpose?
Mom: No. [pause] Maybe.
Me: Mom, what was in the mail today?
Mom: I do not know.
Me: Then how do you know that it came early?
Mom: You should check and see.
Me: I am going to check into a looney bin, is what I'm going to do!
Mom: I saw the mail person put something in the box.
Me: Okay. What was in the box?
Mom: Yesterday it was a package.
Me: What was it today?
Mom: Today we had a substitute.
Me: A substitute what?
Mom: A substitute mailman. He was early.
Me: What did he put in the mailbox, Mom?
Mom: Actually, it was a woman.
Me: There is a woman in the mailbox?!
Mom: What are you talking about?
Me: I don't remember.
[5 minute pause involving the fetching of iced tea]
Mom: Is there anything important in the mail today?
Me: I don't know. You're the one who brought it in.
Mom: No I didn't. It came early.
Me: Are you trying to say that you watched the mail delivered, but didn't go find out what is in the mailbox?
Mom: No, I checked it. I brought in the package.
Me: The package yesterday.
Mom: Yes.
[ten minute pause]
Mom: So are you going to get the mail or not?
Me: When I recover from this conversation, I will bring in the mail.
Mom: You are so weird.
You are a saint! A funny one!
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